The suffering guy. book cover.

The suffering guy. book cover.

Alisha saw a video from Jay & Katherine Wolf of @hopeheals and immediately determined we would work with them someday. I wasn't quite sure about that, but I arranged a meeting with them. Little did I know what they would inspire in us years later.

Alisha saw a video from Jay & Katherine Wolf of @hopeheals and immediately determined we would work with them someday. I wasn't quite sure about that, but I arranged a meeting with them. Little did I know what they would inspire in us years later.

Three years ago, I started writing the book and was excited to share it with Jay & Katherine Wolf of @hopeheals at @catalystleader where they were speaking. I sat as close to the stage as possible and was inspired deeply by them. That was until

Three years ago, I started writing the book and was excited to share it with Jay & Katherine Wolf of @hopeheals at @catalystleader where they were speaking. I sat as close to the stage as possible and was inspired deeply by them. That was until I went out to see them at the autograph tent. 😵

This is Alisha and I saying goodbye to our church family (@lifegatedenver) as I was stepping off staff where I had served for 3 years as Campus Pastor. I make the observation in the book about how big of a deal it is that Alisha was up on stage with

This is Alisha and I saying goodbye to our church family (@lifegatedenver) as I was stepping off staff where I had served for 3 years as Campus Pastor. I make the observation in the book about how big of a deal it is that Alisha was up on stage with me and looking so put together. She was feeling uniquely terrible that day. But it was important for both of us to share our gratitude as we ventured off to do something new.

This is the ministry I started last year where I get to coach people through the expectation gap. I am so happy I get to sit in the "tent" of tiller and help other people with their suffering. I call it a "tent" because of what I observed happen in

This is the ministry I started last year where I get to coach people through the expectation gap. I am so happy I get to sit in the "tent" of tiller and help other people with their suffering. I call it a "tent" because of what I observed happen in the autograph tent that Jay & Katherine Wolf of @hopeheals sat in 3 years ago.

The first time I saw Alisha, she was on stage giving announcements at church. She introduced a clip from the CBS TV reality show, Survivor. It did not go well, but it wasn’t her fault. The wrong audio source was selected on the DVD. I thought she res

The first time I saw Alisha, she was on stage giving announcements at church. She introduced a clip from the CBS TV reality show, Survivor. It did not go well, but it wasn’t her fault. The wrong audio source was selected on the DVD. I thought she responded with grace and humor, especially when the commentator said, “shut up, you blowhard.”

World, meet Will and Brandy! They are stars of the book. (Brandy makes an outrageous offer to us in chapter 15.) In this chapter, Alisha invited me to go with her to meet her friends in Utah, where they lived at the time.

World, meet Will and Brandy! They are stars of the book. (Brandy makes an outrageous offer to us in chapter 15.) In this chapter, Alisha invited me to go with her to meet her friends in Utah, where they lived at the time.

This is Will and Brandy’s daughter, Amelia. She’s amazing! A true JOY to be around and a gift from God. He prepared Brandy to be her mom. 😍

This is Will and Brandy’s daughter, Amelia. She’s amazing! A true JOY to be around and a gift from God. He prepared Brandy to be her mom. 😍

We needed to create some adventure on our trip to Utah. My court awareness of Napoleon Dynamite being filmed just over the border was nothing short of spectacular! I’m so glad we made this trip to Preston… although, I was pretty disappointed that Ti

We needed to create some adventure on our trip to Utah. My court awareness of Napoleon Dynamite being filmed just over the border was nothing short of spectacular! I’m so glad we made this trip to Preston… although, I was pretty disappointed that Tina wasn’t still at Nap’s house. I might have brought ham for her!

Everyone needs a Mt. Vernon! I got a promotion at work, which was exciting… except I had to move to Mt. Vernon, IL. Nothing against that town, but it felt disappointing to move away from Alisha as our relationship had gotten serious. God knew what H

Everyone needs a Mt. Vernon! I got a promotion at work, which was exciting… except I had to move to Mt. Vernon, IL. Nothing against that town, but it felt disappointing to move away from Alisha as our relationship had gotten serious. God knew what He was doing though. I needed the space to get prepared!

This is the exact moment I knew I loved Alisha… yep, while she was playing tetherball at Napoleon Dynamite’s tetherball court in Preston, Idaho.

This is the exact moment I knew I loved Alisha… yep, while she was playing tetherball at Napoleon Dynamite’s tetherball court in Preston, Idaho.

This was a date that we went on to see @peteyorn in concert at the STL riverfront. Alisha always told me I was a bad dater. That’s probably true… I brought my family along after all. Not very romantic, but it was a ton of fun! And what I lacked as a

This was a date that we went on to see @peteyorn in concert at the STL riverfront. Alisha always told me I was a bad dater. That’s probably true… I brought my family along after all. Not very romantic, but it was a ton of fun! And what I lacked as a boyfriend, I have hopefully made up for as a husband!!

This is a picture of me and my dad. I’m not totally sure how old I was here… my guess is 17. Which is the age I still felt like I was trapped at when I was in my Mt. Vernon experience, ten years later. I was wrestling with the concept of maturity. W

This is a picture of me and my dad. I’m not totally sure how old I was here… my guess is 17. Which is the age I still felt like I was trapped at when I was in my Mt. Vernon experience, ten years later. I was wrestling with the concept of maturity. Was I man enough to get married?

This is a picture of a really cool wedding reception venue in downtown STL that Alisha might have reserved a little bit before we got engaged. @WindowsOnWash In the long run, I’m really glad she booked it because it was spectacular… but I might have

This is a picture of a really cool wedding reception venue in downtown STL that Alisha might have reserved a little bit before we got engaged. @WindowsOnWash In the long run, I’m really glad she booked it because it was spectacular… but I might have freaked out a bit at first.

This is where is I did the worst proposal of all time. Seriously, I could not have been more awkward about it!

This is where is I did the worst proposal of all time. Seriously, I could not have been more awkward about it!

Alisha said yes! Probably my favorite quote from the book (below) shares my astonishment that she didn’t say NO.

Alisha said yes! Probably my favorite quote from the book (below) shares my astonishment that she didn’t say NO.

Thundersticks make the best party favors! Ordering these for our wedding reception was the best choice I could have made as a wedding planner.

Thundersticks make the best party favors! Ordering these for our wedding reception was the best choice I could have made as a wedding planner.

As much as thundersticks were an amazing party favor for our reception, not everyone was a fan of them. My beloved puppy, Rigby, was not on board with them!

As much as thundersticks were an amazing party favor for our reception, not everyone was a fan of them. My beloved puppy, Rigby, was not on board with them!

Alisha put me in charge of choosing our wedding verses. I didn’t take the task seriously and ended up blindly choosing random books, chapters, and verses. I can’t believe these verses actually worked!

Alisha put me in charge of choosing our wedding verses. I didn’t take the task seriously and ended up blindly choosing random books, chapters, and verses. I can’t believe these verses actually worked!

September 8, 2006.⠀ This is one of the few pictures of our wedding day where I think I upstaged Alisha. That is a look of confidence!

September 8, 2006.⠀ This is one of the few pictures of our wedding day where I think I upstaged Alisha. That is a look of confidence!

This is my vow to Alisha. It’s a covenant I have with her. I had no idea how things were going to play out in our marriage, but whatever it was… I was committed.

This is my vow to Alisha. It’s a covenant I have with her. I had no idea how things were going to play out in our marriage, but whatever it was… I was committed.

This was such a fun day. It was a day of true celebration!

This was such a fun day. It was a day of true celebration!

We love each other. That love grew from the ability to trust each other. We trusted each other with everything. We still do… probably more than ever.

We love each other. That love grew from the ability to trust each other. We trusted each other with everything. We still do… probably more than ever.

Our wedding day was full of such great moments. (Next: I’m going to post a bonus pic of what led up to this particular moment)

Our wedding day was full of such great moments. (Next: I’m going to post a bonus pic of what led up to this particular moment)

I call this move “licking the bowl.” It was my go-to dance move when I worked at Ed Debevic’s restaurant. It was a 50’s theme diner where the servers were rude to the customers and danced on the countertops. It was a magical place. My character’s nam

I call this move “licking the bowl.” It was my go-to dance move when I worked at Ed Debevic’s restaurant. It was a 50’s theme diner where the servers were rude to the customers and danced on the countertops. It was a magical place. My character’s name was Skippy. My friends all talked about this dance and would frequently ask Alisha if she had seen it yet. I insisted that she could not see it until we got married. True love waits. I remembered halfway through our ‘first dance’ at our reception about this promise and pulled away from her to give a performance of a lifetime. I would like to apologize to everyone else in the crowd for causing them to stumble with lust. 🤩😍

Walking into that room with all our friends and family making a terrifically loud noise with their thundersticks… I couldn’t believe we had pulled off a ten week engagement. I am so grateful we did though.

Walking into that room with all our friends and family making a terrifically loud noise with their thundersticks… I couldn’t believe we had pulled off a ten week engagement. I am so grateful we did though.

These two crazy kids didn’t know what was coming around the corner for them!

These two crazy kids didn’t know what was coming around the corner for them!

Our honeymoon really was amazing! I had never really been out of the country before (except for 30 minutes in Canada). Costa Rica 🇨🇷 was beautiful! We zip lined, went to a live volcano hot springs, and ate a ton of food!!

Our honeymoon really was amazing! I had never really been out of the country before (except for 30 minutes in Canada). Costa Rica 🇨🇷 was beautiful! We zip lined, went to a live volcano hot springs, and ate a ton of food!!

When I was in St. Louis recently, I got some free time to stop by the coffee shop that served gooey butter cake. It was so good!! I wish I had enough time to go to the restaurant connected to our old loft apartment. But it wouldn’t feel right to be t

When I was in St. Louis recently, I got some free time to stop by the coffee shop that served gooey butter cake. It was so good!! I wish I had enough time to go to the restaurant connected to our old loft apartment. But it wouldn’t feel right to be there without Alisha.

This is the loft apartment that we moved into together. I used to decorate the joint by tossing some of Alisha’s belongings up on the ductwork! 🤣

This is the loft apartment that we moved into together. I used to decorate the joint by tossing some of Alisha’s belongings up on the ductwork! 🤣

I don’t have the right picture for today’s section… when Alisha got sick. * Click to watch the full video *

I don’t have the right picture for today’s section… when Alisha got sick. *Click to watch the full video*

The moment I suppose I realized something was really wrong with Alisha was when she asked me to go to the pharmacy to get her an enema. I had no concept of what it was and how anybody can do this to themselves. *Sorry for the gross picture* I knew A

The moment I suppose I realized something was really wrong with Alisha was when she asked me to go to the pharmacy to get her an enema. I had no concept of what it was and how anybody can do this to themselves. *Sorry for the gross picture* I knew Alisha was desperate when I saw this though.

We were reeling with confusion about what was happening to Alisha. I made several trips to Walgreens for her… and I hated visiting aisle 14 in this pharmacy. We would later learn that she had an intestinal pseudo-obstruction, but that would ultimate

We were reeling with confusion about what was happening to Alisha. I made several trips to Walgreens for her… and I hated visiting aisle 14 in this pharmacy. We would later learn that she had an intestinal pseudo-obstruction, but that would ultimately be just the tip of the iceberg for Alisha medically.

I wasn’t sure how to comfort Alisha as she was laying in pain on the bathroom floor. I just sat next to her looking downward trying to think of the right thing to say. I noticed an image in the grain of the flooring that looked like a lion and decid

I wasn’t sure how to comfort Alisha as she was laying in pain on the bathroom floor. I just sat next to her looking downward trying to think of the right thing to say. I noticed an image in the grain of the flooring that looked like a lion and decided to distract her with it. I think it was a good distraction for her!

Alisha’s doctor sent us up to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota for answers about what was going on with her. She definitely was not a fan of being there in winter, but she was desperate for help.

Alisha’s doctor sent us up to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota for answers about what was going on with her. She definitely was not a fan of being there in winter, but she was desperate for help.

Mayo Clinic is huge! I can’t imagine how hard it is to keep everything moving there. Many if the waiting rooms seat 100+ people (at least that is what it felt like). Instead of calling out peoples’ names and having 47 guys named Gary all come up at

Mayo Clinic is huge! I can’t imagine how hard it is to keep everything moving there. Many if the waiting rooms seat 100+ people (at least that is what it felt like). Instead of calling out peoples’ names and having 47 guys named Gary all come up at the same time, they handed out these “Applebee’s pagers.”

Our doctor at Mayo wasn’t named Dr. Arkin, but since I don’t have a lot of nice things to say about him, I decided not to use his real name (I thought he looked like a 50 year-old Alan Arkin—hence the picture). Overall, our first meeting with him wa

Our doctor at Mayo wasn’t named Dr. Arkin, but since I don’t have a lot of nice things to say about him, I decided not to use his real name (I thought he looked like a 50 year-old Alan Arkin—hence the picture). Overall, our first meeting with him was fine, but it definitely seemed rushed. It’s hard to hear everything and determine a medical course of action in one 15 minute meeting.

This is an excellent album by Copeland! I have probably listened to these tracks more than I have listened to anything else in my life. The words speak to me and have been the soundtrack for the last 15 years of Alisha’s illness.

This is an excellent album by Copeland! I have probably listened to these tracks more than I have listened to anything else in my life. The words speak to me and have been the soundtrack for the last 15 years of Alisha’s illness.

Alisha did so many horrible tests while she was at the Mayo Clinic. The worst was biofeedback (we affectionately called it “poop school”). She had to relearn how to use the toilet properly… it was awful.

Alisha did so many horrible tests while she was at the Mayo Clinic. The worst was biofeedback (we affectionately called it “poop school”). She had to relearn how to use the toilet properly… it was awful.

Alisha’s pain was bad enough to begin with, but add all these tests at the Mayo Clinic… it became almost unbearable. Biofeedback shouldn’t have been painful, but with her broken body, it was.

Alisha’s pain was bad enough to begin with, but add all these tests at the Mayo Clinic… it became almost unbearable. Biofeedback shouldn’t have been painful, but with her broken body, it was.

Alisha’s skin is crazy soft! I thought that was kinda something I imagined since I was so madly in love with her. You know, it’s exciting to get married and cuddle up and whatnot… cue John Mayer’s ‘Your Body is a Wonderland.’ 😉 I just had no idea i

Alisha’s skin is crazy soft! I thought that was kinda something I imagined since I was so madly in love with her. You know, it’s exciting to get married and cuddle up and whatnot… cue John Mayer’s ‘Your Body is a Wonderland.’ 😉 I just had no idea it was part of a medical issue.

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is such a strange disease. There are so many different types and ways it plays out… but one of the (nearly) universal marks of the disease is stretchy skin.

Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is such a strange disease. There are so many different types and ways it plays out… but one of the (nearly) universal marks of the disease is stretchy skin.

Michael Jordan was known for his exceptional wingspan. Alisha Barnard wasn’t, until… this specialist doctor measured her’s right on his office walls.

Michael Jordan was known for his exceptional wingspan. Alisha Barnard wasn’t, until… this specialist doctor measured her’s right on his office walls.

Medical Definition of rumination: the act or process of ruminating:⠀ a : the act or process of regurgitating and chewing again previously swallowed food (hence the cow pic!)⠀ b : obsessive thinking about an idea, situation, or choice especially wh

Medical Definition of rumination: the act or process of ruminating:⠀

a : the act or process of regurgitating and chewing again previously swallowed food (hence the cow pic!)⠀

b : obsessive thinking about an idea, situation, or choice especially when it interferes with normal mental functioning⠀

*This was a pivotal point in the book, when Dr. Arkin concluded that Alisha was a ruminator*⠀😡😡😡😡😡😡😡

I was unprepared for the moment when Dr. Arkin would tell Alisha she was a ruminator. It obviously made her angry to be dismissed like that. It made me angry as well and I wasn’t sure what to do about it… so I did nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I was unprepared for the moment when Dr. Arkin would tell Alisha she was a ruminator. It obviously made her angry to be dismissed like that. It made me angry as well and I wasn’t sure what to do about it… so I did nothing. Absolutely nothing.

We had so much support when we went to the Mayo Clinic. But when we came back so defeated from “ruminate-gate,” it became very hard to follow up with everyone. There were many messages that went unanswered for a while.

We had so much support when we went to the Mayo Clinic. But when we came back so defeated from “ruminate-gate,” it became very hard to follow up with everyone. There were many messages that went unanswered for a while.

You wouldn’t think Alisha and Dorothy from The Golden Girls would have much in common. But both of them had a terrible interaction with a doctor who was totally dismissive about their very real health problems.

You wouldn’t think Alisha and Dorothy from The Golden Girls would have much in common. But both of them had a terrible interaction with a doctor who was totally dismissive about their very real health problems.

We had to go see our local doctor, Dr. Presti… it was very nerve wracking to think he might agree with the Mayo doctor’s conclusion that Alisha is a ruminator.

We had to go see our local doctor, Dr. Presti… it was very nerve wracking to think he might agree with the Mayo doctor’s conclusion that Alisha is a ruminator.

The bathtub is a great place for emotional vomiting.

The bathtub is a great place for emotional vomiting.

Alisha had to get a poo bag. It was the only way to tell where the disease was localized in her digestive system. Alisha did not exactly realize what she was signing up for when she said yes to it though.

Alisha had to get a poo bag. It was the only way to tell where the disease was localized in her digestive system. Alisha did not exactly realize what she was signing up for when she said yes to it though.

We had never heard the word “stoma” before the doctor suggested a temporary ileostomy. Alisha Googled it… and it did not go well

We had never heard the word “stoma” before the doctor suggested a temporary ileostomy. Alisha Googled it… and it did not go well

I joke that Alisha used to wear exclusively bejeweled clothing when I first started dating her. When she got worried that people would be able to see that she was wearing an ostomy bag… I considered offering to make her some blinged-out sweatshirts

I joke that Alisha used to wear exclusively bejeweled clothing when I first started dating her. When she got worried that people would be able to see that she was wearing an ostomy bag… I considered offering to make her some blinged-out sweatshirts so that people couldn’t tell!

This is my buddy, Brian Van Eps, playing the role of Moses. While there was a battle happening in the valley, Moses got into victory pose. Israel was winning the battle when Moses stayed in victory pose… the only problem is that his strength was not

This is my buddy, Brian Van Eps, playing the role of Moses. While there was a battle happening in the valley, Moses got into victory pose. Israel was winning the battle when Moses stayed in victory pose… the only problem is that his strength was not strong enough.

I think crying out when you are weak and weary is important. Each of us face battles in the valley, and just like Moses… our strength isn’t strong enough. When we cry out, we can experience victory together! * Click to watch entire clip *

I think crying out when you are weak and weary is important. Each of us face battles in the valley, and just like Moses… our strength isn’t strong enough. When we cry out, we can experience victory together! *Click to watch entire clip*

Chicken fingers are a reoccurring theme in the book. First appearance in the story is when Alisha had her temporary ileostomy surgery… I killed a lot of time waiting in the hospital eating chicken fingers from the cafeteria.

Chicken fingers are a reoccurring theme in the book. First appearance in the story is when Alisha had her temporary ileostomy surgery… I killed a lot of time waiting in the hospital eating chicken fingers from the cafeteria.

Alisha was scared that people would be able to see she was wearing a bag… so I helped her with that fear. Oh, and beware of my Guess Who prowess! * Click here for full surprising video *

Alisha was scared that people would be able to see she was wearing a bag… so I helped her with that fear. Oh, and beware of my Guess Who prowess! *Click here for full surprising video*

We had no idea how allergic Alisha would be to her ostomy bag. The first bag change revealed just how damaging adhesive is to her skin. We had a wound care nurse trying to help us through the situation, but finding a solution wasn’t easy. We thought

We had no idea how allergic Alisha would be to her ostomy bag. The first bag change revealed just how damaging adhesive is to her skin. We had a wound care nurse trying to help us through the situation, but finding a solution wasn’t easy. We thought we had found a temporary answer to get us through the night, but it failed. That’s when I kicked into George Clooney mode!

Realizing just how allergic Alisha was to the ostomy bag, we needed to figure out the right recipe of items that would make it work and not damage skin further or cause more leaking.

Realizing just how allergic Alisha was to the ostomy bag, we needed to figure out the right recipe of items that would make it work and not damage skin further or cause more leaking.

Our poo bag season was really tough… but it was a season of growth.

Our poo bag season was really tough… but it was a season of growth.

The poo bag season wore Alisha out (me too), but she got better as a result of it. It was one of two times during the last 15 years that she actually improved physically. Bypassing the colon was the right answer proving that it would need to go.

The poo bag season wore Alisha out (me too), but she got better as a result of it. It was one of two times during the last 15 years that she actually improved physically. Bypassing the colon was the right answer proving that it would need to go.

Alisha had a ‘subtotal colectomy’ to remove her damaged colon. They biopsied it… and the report definitely made us feel like we made the right decision. It was a good thing we pursued this over a psychological solution! IT WAS IN HER GUTS.

Alisha had a ‘subtotal colectomy’ to remove her damaged colon. They biopsied it… and the report definitely made us feel like we made the right decision. It was a good thing we pursued this over a psychological solution! IT WAS IN HER GUTS.

Alisha stayed in the hospital longer than we expected recovering from her subtotal colectomy surgery. She was finally going to get out in the same day I was leaving for a rare business trip. 😬

Alisha stayed in the hospital longer than we expected recovering from her subtotal colectomy surgery. She was finally going to get out in the same day I was leaving for a rare business trip. 😬

I don’t have a picture from this day… because IT WAS A FRIGHTENING DAY. I am so glad I decided to stay the night with her at the hospital, I assume she would have tried going to the bathroom by herself instead of calling a nurse in. Then what?!?

I don’t have a picture from this day… because IT WAS A FRIGHTENING DAY. I am so glad I decided to stay the night with her at the hospital, I assume she would have tried going to the bathroom by herself instead of calling a nurse in. Then what?!?

This isn’t a picture from the day Alisha nearly died (I didn’t have my camera handy at the moment 😒). This moment was so unbelievably scary and getting help seemed impossible. I wanted her to open her eyes so badly.

This isn’t a picture from the day Alisha nearly died (I didn’t have my camera handy at the moment 😒). This moment was so unbelievably scary and getting help seemed impossible. I wanted her to open her eyes so badly.

*This picture is the exact opposite of the moment Alisha started to wake back up after nearly dying on me.* Once again, I don’t have the right picture for this. I can tell you how thankful I was to see her eyes again. I really thought she was dead.

*This picture is the exact opposite of the moment Alisha started to wake back up after nearly dying on me.* Once again, I don’t have the right picture for this. I can tell you how thankful I was to see her eyes again. I really thought she was dead.

The story of Alisha nearly dying is obviously overwhelming. I’m glad that I could lighten the moment with this portion of the story. ALTHOUGH, I am trusting you with a lot of power here because I have a serious eye phobia. Let’s just say I didn’t re

The story of Alisha nearly dying is obviously overwhelming. I’m glad that I could lighten the moment with this portion of the story. ALTHOUGH, I am trusting you with a lot of power here because I have a serious eye phobia. Let’s just say I didn’t respond very well to the nurse’s request. 😵‍💫

Alisha survived the internal bleeding that threatened her when the connection point for the subtotal colectomy didn’t hold. She had surgery and would eventually go home and do really well for a season.

Alisha survived the internal bleeding that threatened her when the connection point for the subtotal colectomy didn’t hold. She had surgery and would eventually go home and do really well for a season.

As things we going better for Alisha and her health… I was doing worse.

As things we going better for Alisha and her health… I was doing worse.

It seemed like there were no victories at home… so I began to pursue them at work (Enterprise Rent-A-Car).

It seemed like there were no victories at home… so I began to pursue them at work (Enterprise Rent-A-Car).

I couldn’t control things at home… especially with Alisha’s health. So diving head first into work made sense for me to have something to control. My need for control was exhausting!

I couldn’t control things at home… especially with Alisha’s health. So diving head first into work made sense for me to have something to control. My need for control was exhausting!

My need for victory at work caused MY business to grow… the only problem was that MY sales couldn’t match my growing need for control.

My need for victory at work caused MY business to grow… the only problem was that MY sales couldn’t match my growing need for control.

It wasn’t unusual for me to have to track down a missing car that I had rented out to someone who maybe didn’t qualify fully for a rental car. On some of these repo missions, I would find the car with a lot of damage… like this time finding MY car w

It wasn’t unusual for me to have to track down a missing car that I had rented out to someone who maybe didn’t qualify fully for a rental car. On some of these repo missions, I would find the car with a lot of damage… like this time finding MY car with the rear windshield shot out.

Hard words… but it’s real.

Hard words… but it’s real.

The post-colon days were good… Alisha was decently healthy and we bought a place. So what if the market crashed 2 months later?? Things were going well.

The post-colon days were good… Alisha was decently healthy and we bought a place. So what if the market crashed 2 months later?? Things were going well.

After a nice season of improved health, Alisha started to decline again. Soon enough, she found herself in the position of not being able to drive anymore. This made me the full-time designated driver.

After a nice season of improved health, Alisha started to decline again. Soon enough, she found herself in the position of not being able to drive anymore. This made me the full-time designated driver.

One of the ways I coped with Alisha getting sicker was to make weird videos. This video was about a port she had surgically implanted so she could get her many injections easier. * Click to watch entire goofy video *

One of the ways I coped with Alisha getting sicker was to make weird videos. This video was about a port she had surgically implanted so she could get her many injections easier. *Click to watch entire goofy video*

We took a two week vacation to Australia so Alisha could show me where she used to live for a while during and after college. I loved it. She could’ve convinced me to move there… if it weren’t for all the crazy and vicious animals that call the plac

We took a two week vacation to Australia so Alisha could show me where she used to live for a while during and after college. I loved it. She could’ve convinced me to move there… if it weren’t for all the crazy and vicious animals that call the place home. Seeing a six-foot tall cassowary and knowing that it probably wanted to eat me whole made me reconsider.

This is a quokka (not as scary as the cassowary). It can only be found on Rottnest Island, off the coast of Perth, Western Australia. I could have stayed there forever… but it wasn’t very practical considering the good & needed medical care that

This is a quokka (not as scary as the cassowary). It can only be found on Rottnest Island, off the coast of Perth, Western Australia. I could have stayed there forever… but it wasn’t very practical considering the good & needed medical care that we had back home.

We stayed in treehouse at an exotic fruit farm in the Daintree rainforest, which is right by the Great Barrier Reef. It was so exotic! We should have lived in the treehouse forever!

We stayed in treehouse at an exotic fruit farm in the Daintree rainforest, which is right by the Great Barrier Reef. It was so exotic! We should have lived in the treehouse forever!

I can’t believe I’m sharing this. It is so dumb! I was doing weekly video blogs of what was good (to help fight against negativity) and finished each video with a little comedy bit. This was made in Australia before we headed back home… something th

I can’t believe I’m sharing this. It is so dumb! I was doing weekly video blogs of what was good (to help fight against negativity) and finished each video with a little comedy bit. This was made in Australia before we headed back home… something that made me very anxious because of work. *Click to watch entire goofy video*

Beaver Creek Ski Resort. I love this place. I was so glad to pull together a quick ski trip to get my clear my head. I wasn’t enjoying wins at work anymore and I was getting very worn down.

Beaver Creek Ski Resort. I love this place. I was so glad to pull together a quick ski trip to get my clear my head. I wasn’t enjoying wins at work anymore and I was getting very worn down.

This is a pic I took the other day of where I ended my Beaver Creek ski trip and received a voicemail about interviewing for a job I didn’t apply for. I was there recently for a bachelor party… gosh, I wished it was winter! I love to ski this place!

This is a pic I took the other day of where I ended my Beaver Creek ski trip and received a voicemail about interviewing for a job I didn’t apply for. I was there recently for a bachelor party… gosh, I wished it was winter! I love to ski this place!!

Needing to downshift my life, I accepted a position as a store manager at Starbucks. Alisha had updated my resume and applied for the job without my knowledge. I just didn’t have time to figure it out for myself. Now I could be more present at home

Needing to downshift my life, I accepted a position as a store manager at Starbucks. Alisha had updated my resume and applied for the job without my knowledge. I just didn’t have time to figure it out for myself. Now I could be more present at home and help her through all the medical issues.

Enough is enough. That’s what her doctor told her as he advised her that it was time that she stop working. EDS had taken such a toll on her body. It was time to be done.

Enough is enough. That’s what her doctor told her as he advised her that it was time that she stop working. EDS had taken such a toll on her body. It was time to be done.

This is Alisha sitting in the crowd at Quest Church STL on her last day working there. She wasn’t excited about leaving staff, but it was the right decision. *Later today, I’m going to share a blog post I wrote about her leaving.

This is Alisha sitting in the crowd at Quest Church STL on her last day working there. She wasn’t excited about leaving staff, but it was the right decision. *Later today, I’m going to share a blog post I wrote about her leaving.

I used to process a lot of stuff by blogging. I found this post about Alisha stepping down at work. She really did amazing things to help people “belong, believe, and be transformed.” She has left an indelible mark on Quest Church.

I used to process a lot of stuff by blogging. I found this post about Alisha stepping down at work. She really did amazing things to help people “belong, believe, and be transformed.” She has left an indelible mark on Quest Church.

I started working part-time at Quest Church to help out as a permanent replacement for Alisha was being sought. Our pastor, Kevin, asked me a random question about my interest in Germany one day. I was the mascot of the German Club in high school (I

I started working part-time at Quest Church to help out as a permanent replacement for Alisha was being sought. Our pastor, Kevin, asked me a random question about my interest in Germany one day. I was the mascot of the German Club in high school (I look great in lederhosen)… so yeah, I guess I like Germany! 🇩🇪 *Shout out to Katie Schultz (upper left)

This is my sister, Diane. She is the best, and a Germany aficionado. I took German class because of her. I didn’t do well in the class, but an interest in it paid off with an invitation to go to an church planting conference in Berlin.

This is my sister, Diane. She is the best, and a Germany aficionado. I took German class because of her. I didn’t do well in the class, but an interest in it paid off with an invitation to go to an church planting conference in Berlin.

5 of us headed to Berlin for a church planting conference. With my extreme German “expertise,” I needed to enlighten the other guys on the customs and traditions of Deutschland. Mezzo Mix being the top of the list of things they needed to be prepare

5 of us headed to Berlin for a church planting conference. With my extreme German “expertise,” I needed to enlighten the other guys on the customs and traditions of Deutschland. Mezzo Mix being the top of the list of things they needed to be prepared for. You don’t want to be caught off-guard with deliciousness like this!

This is me, Kevin, and Travis in Berlin looking as cool as we can be as we wait to cross the street. We were a little out of place, but armed with the sure-fire response of “ja, genau” we were sure we could navigate any situation thrown at us in Deu

This is me, Kevin, and Travis in Berlin looking as cool as we can be as we wait to cross the street. We were a little out of place, but armed with the sure-fire response of “ja, genau” we were sure we could navigate any situation thrown at us in Deutschland.

We got stuck in Berlin for an unexpected bonus five days. There was a volcano eruption in Eyjafjallajökull, Iceland. Air traffic throughout all of Europe was grounded until it was safe to fly again.

We got stuck in Berlin for an unexpected bonus five days. There was a volcano eruption in Eyjafjallajökull, Iceland. Air traffic throughout all of Europe was grounded until it was safe to fly again.

While I was stuck in Berlin with these knuckleheads, God started speaking clearly to me about going into ministry full-time. This is probably something He had been whispering for a while, but He gave me a volcano to get my attention.

While I was stuck in Berlin with these knuckleheads, God started speaking clearly to me about going into ministry full-time. This is probably something He had been whispering for a while, but He gave me a volcano to get my attention.

We wanted to be parents so badly, but Alisha’s illness made that seemingly impossible. Adoption wasn’t a viable option for us either. That’s when Alisha’s friend (and star from chapter 2), Brandy, called and made us an absurd offer.

We wanted to be parents so badly, but Alisha’s illness made that seemingly impossible. Adoption wasn’t a viable option for us either. That’s when Alisha’s friend (and star from chapter 2), Brandy, called and made us an absurd offer.

This is Dr. DeRosa. We went to see him for moral guidance about surrogacy. He began to explain his support for this plan… but then he just stopped. He had to share another thought—one he believed was from God.

This is Dr. DeRosa. We went to see him for moral guidance about surrogacy. He began to explain his support for this plan… but then he just stopped. He had to share another thought—one he believed was from God.

This is the picture I was most excited to share from the book! *And yes, Alisha approved me posting it.* Alisha attempted to “set the mood” on the night we gave up the dream of becoming parents. The mood she set was laughter… she looked like a commu

This is the picture I was most excited to share from the book! *And yes, Alisha approved me posting it.* Alisha attempted to “set the mood” on the night we gave up the dream of becoming parents. The mood she set was laughter… she looked like a communist track star! It was a very, very good night.

I was so confused. This made no sense. It was impossible. Unimaginable. Unbelievable. * Click to watch entire video *

I was so confused. This made no sense. It was impossible. Unimaginable. Unbelievable. *Click to watch entire video*

With this unbelievable baby news, I needed to tell somebody. I would need support during this season. But who should I tell? And how should I do it?

With this unbelievable baby news, I needed to tell somebody. I would need support during this season. But who should I tell? And how should I do it?

Best caption I can come up with here is: I’m a terrible person… and you’ve got to read the book to understand why.

Best caption I can come up with here is: I’m a terrible person… and you’ve got to read the book to understand why.

I’m not kidding… I was watching a miracle happen right in front of me. Alisha’s health got better during her pregnancy. It made no sense. But God.

I’m not kidding… I was watching a miracle happen right in front of me. Alisha’s health got better during her pregnancy. It made no sense. But God.

After we got to the “line of viability,” the doctor wanted to go a little bit further because Alisha was doing so well. “3 more days” became the ongoing mantra, until we were almost at 32 weeks.

After we got to the “line of viability,” the doctor wanted to go a little bit further because Alisha was doing so well. “3 more days” became the ongoing mantra, until we were almost at 32 weeks.

Gosh, I loathed Brett Favre. He was a crybaby and treated my beloved Green Bay Packers terribly. As the 2010-11 NFL season was kicking off, I was peeled to my TV hoping the Saints could beat his Vikings a second straight time. But, Alisha kept inter

Gosh, I loathed Brett Favre. He was a crybaby and treated my beloved Green Bay Packers terribly. As the 2010-11 NFL season was kicking off, I was peeled to my TV hoping the Saints could beat his Vikings a second straight time. But, Alisha kept interrupting the game!

I don’t have the right picture for this… so I thought you might enjoy seeing how great my hair was when I drove Alisha to the airport with her insistence that she was going into labor (at 31.5 weeks). We went at halftime of the game because I was a

I don’t have the right picture for this… so I thought you might enjoy seeing how great my hair was when I drove Alisha to the airport with her insistence that she was going into labor (at 31.5 weeks). We went at halftime of the game because I was a jerk.

This kid was definitely about to get born. The thought that a brand new and functional colon could be created inside of a woman who no longer had one seemed unbelievable to me.

This kid was definitely about to get born. The thought that a brand new and functional colon could be created inside of a woman who no longer had one seemed unbelievable to me.

It was go time. We went into the operating room where life was going to change forever. I was just thankful for the curtain so that life change didn’t involve me fainting!

It was go time. We went into the operating room where life was going to change forever. I was just thankful for the curtain so that life change didn’t involve me fainting!

An absolute miracle. Anderson Warner Barnard.

An absolute miracle. Anderson Warner Barnard.

I got to meet Anderson first!

I got to meet Anderson first!

Alisha got a brief moment with Anderson before he needed to be rushed off to the NICU.

Alisha got a brief moment with Anderson before he needed to be rushed off to the NICU.

I don’t know who took this picture. But it excited me big time to be a dad and that excitement grew when I saw how many people were in the waiting room praying for us with anticipation.

I don’t know who took this picture. But it excited me big time to be a dad and that excitement grew when I saw how many people were in the waiting room praying for us with anticipation.

The NICU is a hard place to be, but it wasn’t all bad… it kinda felt like parenting with training wheels.

The NICU is a hard place to be, but it wasn’t all bad… it kinda felt like parenting with training wheels.

This is a video I made when Anderson was stuck in the NICU. He was there for 26 days in total. It was so hard to leave him there every night. 😩

This is a video I made when Anderson was stuck in the NICU. He was there for 26 days in total. It was so hard to leave him there every night. 😩

Anderson needed help learning how to breathe and eat. There were many tubes helping this kid through this early season.

Anderson needed help learning how to breathe and eat. There were many tubes helping this kid through this early season.

Kangaroo time with Anderson was my favorite!

Kangaroo time with Anderson was my favorite!

I joke in the book about Anderson still liking kangaroo time. He read that part of the book several months ago and began to occasionally re-enact it when I need cheering up (it’s actually really sweet even if it is a little weird). I tried to get him

I joke in the book about Anderson still liking kangaroo time. He read that part of the book several months ago and began to occasionally re-enact it when I need cheering up (it’s actually really sweet even if it is a little weird). I tried to get him to recreate the moment, but he was obviously too embarrassed to pull our shirts up for Instagram. Can’t blame him! 😆

I was so thankful God gave me the unbelievable gift of a son. It made no sense to me. I was praying over him one day in the NICU, asking for help to be a good dad to help Anderson prepare for whatever He was calling him to. God must have a plan for t

I was so thankful God gave me the unbelievable gift of a son. It made no sense to me. I was praying over him one day in the NICU, asking for help to be a good dad to help Anderson prepare for whatever He was calling him to. God must have a plan for this kid! That’s when God sucker punched me.

In the aftermath of God laying it down on me, I was feeling very confused… was that really God? Or was that gas? Both give me the tummy troubles!

In the aftermath of God laying it down on me, I was feeling very confused… was that really God? Or was that gas? Both give me the tummy troubles!

Our church in St. Louis was (and is) incredibly special to Alisha and me. Thinking about leaving for the sake of pursuing ministry felt awful. Alisha had single-handedly kept @QuestChurchSTL alive for a long time during its early years. ⠀ *And it now

Our church in St. Louis was (and is) incredibly special to Alisha and me. Thinking about leaving for the sake of pursuing ministry felt awful. Alisha had single-handedly kept @QuestChurchSTL alive for a long time during its early years. ⠀ *And it now it’s own independent church in the efree denomination… and it’s doing well! 🙌🏼

It felt like God was calling me to go to seminary, but I wasn’t all that good in school. Probably because I worked 4 jobs at the same time in undergrad. The best job (ever—except what I get to do now) was working as a server at @ed.debevics ⠀ Meet Sk

It felt like God was calling me to go to seminary, but I wasn’t all that good in school. Probably because I worked 4 jobs at the same time in undergrad. The best job (ever—except what I get to do now) was working as a server at @ed.debevics ⠀ Meet Skippy. I found a pic of me deep in the Google machine when searching about Ed’s.

Alisha suggested I should pursue attending a school in person. My response wasn’t kind. Her look that she gave me in return wasn’t kind either (but deserved).

Alisha suggested I should pursue attending a school in person. My response wasn’t kind. Her look that she gave me in return wasn’t kind either (but deserved).

We decided to visit schools in Denver and Portland, OR. First stop was to @denverseminary where I started to dream about Anderson becoming an Olympic skier. I spent the whole flight there telling him how much I believed in him and his future ability!

We decided to visit schools in Denver and Portland, OR. First stop was to @denverseminary where I started to dream about Anderson becoming an Olympic skier. I spent the whole flight there telling him how much I believed in him and his future ability!

This is my sister, Debbie. She talked me out of moving to Denver 10 years earlier because I had no plan for how to survive. She invited me to live with her family in STL… it was a very good decision that I chose to take her up on that offer.

This is my sister, Debbie. She talked me out of moving to Denver 10 years earlier because I had no plan for how to survive. She invited me to live with her family in STL… it was a very good decision that I chose to take her up on that offer.

This is my nephew, Scott. He’s more like a brother to me, and not just because we are close in age. He set up his childhood bunk beds and gave up his privacy in an act of pure benevolence and fun! 👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼

This is my nephew, Scott. He’s more like a brother to me, and not just because we are close in age. He set up his childhood bunk beds and gave up his privacy in an act of pure benevolence and fun! 👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼

This is Dr. Linquist. He was the chair of the leadership department at Denver Seminary. I had an immediate connection with him because of our mutual Packers fandom. I thought for sure I would choose @denverseminary after meeting with him.

This is Dr. Linquist. He was the chair of the leadership department at Denver Seminary. I had an immediate connection with him because of our mutual Packers fandom. I thought for sure I would choose @denverseminary after meeting with him.

This is Ken Epp. Alisha used to work for him at the church, but he left before I started coming. As we were about to head to Western Seminary in Portland, I looked through the details of what the visit was going to be like… that’s when I found out he

This is Ken Epp. Alisha used to work for him at the church, but he left before I started coming. As we were about to head to Western Seminary in Portland, I looked through the details of what the visit was going to be like… that’s when I found out he was going to be showing me around the school, and I was certain I knew this guy from somewhere.

This place was an absolute gem Alisha and I found on our first trip there for our first wedding anniversary. In the consideration of moving to either Denver or Portland… this seemed like a major advantage for Portlandia! You should go next time you’r

This place was an absolute gem Alisha and I found on our first trip there for our first wedding anniversary. In the consideration of moving to either Denver or Portland… this seemed like a major advantage for Portlandia! You should go next time you’re in town!

Sorry to go on about @phils.meatmarket but my day visiting Western Seminary went really well… although I was starting to feel unsettled about things at the end of the day. There’s no chance it was caused by my delicious sandwich from Phil’s. It was p

Sorry to go on about @phils.meatmarket but my day visiting Western Seminary went really well… although I was starting to feel unsettled about things at the end of the day. There’s no chance it was caused by my delicious sandwich from Phil’s. It was perfect! 🤤

It became very clear where God was sending us… we were moving to Denver and I was about to head back to school at @denverseminary

It became very clear where God was sending us… we were moving to Denver and I was about to head back to school at @denverseminary

I have shown pics from a lot of other people from the book, but not Dr. Presti (until now). He was Alisha’s GI doctor. We were very thankful to have him on our team. Alisha couldn’t go on a home hunting trip to Denver with me because she had a trip t

I have shown pics from a lot of other people from the book, but not Dr. Presti (until now). He was Alisha’s GI doctor. We were very thankful to have him on our team. Alisha couldn’t go on a home hunting trip to Denver with me because she had a trip to the hospital… where Dr. Presti would begin talking very seriously about an alternative feeding method called TPN because of how much weight she had lost.

With Alisha in the hospital, I decided to take Anderson with me on a house-hunting trip to Denver. Trying to find a place to live during a 48-hour trip with a baby in a Baby Björn is not particularly easy!

With Alisha in the hospital, I decided to take Anderson with me on a house-hunting trip to Denver. Trying to find a place to live during a 48-hour trip with a baby in a Baby Björn is not particularly easy!

I had been working as a manager for Starbucks for a year, which was a giant blessing because I could easily transfer out to Denver and not worry about about income as everything in our life was changing.

I had been working as a manager for Starbucks for a year, which was a giant blessing because I could easily transfer out to Denver and not worry about about income as everything in our life was changing.

We had such great community in St. Louis. This is a picture of a bunch of people praying over us at church before we moved out to Denver to start seminary. I did not want to leave what we had here. @QuestChurchSTL

We had such great community in St. Louis. This is a picture of a bunch of people praying over us at church before we moved out to Denver to start seminary. I did not want to leave what we had here. @QuestChurchSTL

I might have listened to a few songs from this album as I started the drive out west in our moving van.

I might have listened to a few songs from this album as I started the drive out west in our moving van.

My dad and Kevin helped me move to Denver. This (obviously photoshopped) picture is them at the “Welcome to Colorado” sign. I was very thankful for them! *I should have taken a this picture in real life.

My dad and Kevin helped me move to Denver. This (obviously photoshopped) picture is them at the “Welcome to Colorado” sign. I was very thankful for them! *I should have taken a this picture in real life.

After everything was moved in and I was all alone in our new place, Denver got hit by the most severe hailstorm I had ever seen. It grounded air traffic, preventing Alisha and Anderson from flying in. Why was God giving us so many plagues that kept i

After everything was moved in and I was all alone in our new place, Denver got hit by the most severe hailstorm I had ever seen. It grounded air traffic, preventing Alisha and Anderson from flying in. Why was God giving us so many plagues that kept interrupting our flight plans??

When Alisha and Anderson arrived, we drove all over Colorado to discover the our new state as much as we could.

When Alisha and Anderson arrived, we drove all over Colorado to discover the our new state as much as we could.

The altitude in Colorado is a real challenge for Alisha. She does okay in the mile-high city, but trips up to the mountains (where the altitude can often double) often creates problems for her. Living where the air is drier is an advantage for her th

The altitude in Colorado is a real challenge for Alisha. She does okay in the mile-high city, but trips up to the mountains (where the altitude can often double) often creates problems for her. Living where the air is drier is an advantage for her though… so there’s some real give and take.

This isn’t a picture of me actually freaking out (it’s the closest I could find), but during this time I was having full-fledged breakdowns every three weeks. I wanted to give up and move back home.

This isn’t a picture of me actually freaking out (it’s the closest I could find), but during this time I was having full-fledged breakdowns every three weeks. I wanted to give up and move back home.

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I was wearing Alisha out with my breakdowns about wanting to quit school and move back home. She would have to constantly give me the “God’s not fickle” speech. It would give me perspective… but she would have to give me the speech again within 3 wee

I was wearing Alisha out with my breakdowns about wanting to quit school and move back home. She would have to constantly give me the “God’s not fickle” speech. It would give me perspective… but she would have to give me the speech again within 3 weeks undoubtedly.

What I was trying to accomplish with part-time seminary, full-time managing a Starbucks, being a husband to a sick wife, and a dad to a nine-month old baby was just too much for me. Thank goodness I had an unlimited supply of espresso at my disposal!

What I was trying to accomplish with part-time seminary, full-time managing a Starbucks, being a husband to a sick wife, and a dad to a nine-month old baby was just too much for me. Thank goodness I had an unlimited supply of espresso at my disposal!

This magazine isn’t real… but it should have been! I was a really terrible husband during this busy time of life. To be fair, I was pretty horrible at everything during this season. Not just husbandry.

This magazine isn’t real… but it should have been! I was a really terrible husband during this busy time of life. To be fair, I was pretty horrible at everything during this season. Not just husbandry.

About one year into our Colorado experience, I resigned myself to sticking things out with school and everything. I called it “fickle exhaustion.”

About one year into our Colorado experience, I resigned myself to sticking things out with school and everything. I called it “fickle exhaustion.”

Alisha ended up in the hospital again, but the timing was okay because her mom was out visiting us and could watch Anderson while I was with her day and night.

Alisha ended up in the hospital again, but the timing was okay because her mom was out visiting us and could watch Anderson while I was with her day and night.

The Aurora Theater Shooting happened while Alisha was in the hospital. This tragic event brought a dark cloud to the city. For us, it felt like grief on top of the grief we were already facing.

The Aurora Theater Shooting happened while Alisha was in the hospital. This tragic event brought a dark cloud to the city. For us, it felt like grief on top of the grief we were already facing.

Anderson and I were spending a lot of time in the hospital with Alisha (not hiking as pictured). He was still young enough to be taking daily naps and we both needed one on this particular day. But I was dragging my feet to leave the hospital room… a

Anderson and I were spending a lot of time in the hospital with Alisha (not hiking as pictured). He was still young enough to be taking daily naps and we both needed one on this particular day. But I was dragging my feet to leave the hospital room… as if something was about to happen.

As Anderson and I were about to leave Alisha at the hospital, she needed my help getting to the bathroom. I wanted to stay with her and help her get back to the bed when she was done, but Alisha was insistent she was fine and could hit the nurse’s bu

As Anderson and I were about to leave Alisha at the hospital, she needed my help getting to the bathroom. I wanted to stay with her and help her get back to the bed when she was done, but Alisha was insistent she was fine and could hit the nurse’s button if she needed help.

Alisha went into anaphylactic shock after an iron infusion while she was in the hospital. I found her nearly dead in the bathroom, falling off the toilet. It was awful.

Alisha went into anaphylactic shock after an iron infusion while she was in the hospital. I found her nearly dead in the bathroom, falling off the toilet. It was awful.

The night Alisha nearly died on the toilet, I felt so alone. I didn’t know how to communicate with anyone what had just happened. So I produced a classically awkward social media post. 🤦🏻‍♂️

The night Alisha nearly died on the toilet, I felt so alone. I didn’t know how to communicate with anyone what had just happened. So I produced a classically awkward social media post. 🤦🏻‍♂️

Alisha nearly dying wore me out to a new level. I was trying to endure an impossible juggling act and it kept getting worse.

Alisha nearly dying wore me out to a new level. I was trying to endure an impossible juggling act and it kept getting worse.

This was my prayer during a season of “weak and weary juggling.” I needed to lighten the juggling load somehow… it seemed like quitting my job was the only solution, but we desperately needed insurance. 😵‍💫

This was my prayer during a season of “weak and weary juggling.” I needed to lighten the juggling load somehow… it seemed like quitting my job was the only solution, but we desperately needed insurance. 😵‍💫

I was managing a Starbucks while going to seminary part time. Along with my family that needed me… this was way too much for me to handle. This juggling act was overwhelming. I knew I needed to quit my job because it was the most expendable part of m

I was managing a Starbucks while going to seminary part time. Along with my family that needed me… this was way too much for me to handle. This juggling act was overwhelming. I knew I needed to quit my job because it was the most expendable part of my life (considering God didn’t seem interested in me quitting school).

I was at my breaking point with my “juggling act” and had a REAL moment in the shower when I was supposed to be getting ready to take Alisha to the hospital for a test.

I was at my breaking point with my “juggling act” and had a REAL moment in the shower when I was supposed to be getting ready to take Alisha to the hospital for a test.

Whenever Alisha has a test or a surgery, we have a tradition where I will sing to her STRONGER by Kanye West. It makes both of us feel better. *This is from the audiobook— probably the best part of the whole recording!

Whenever Alisha has a test or a surgery, we have a tradition where I will sing to her STRONGER by Kanye West. It makes both of us feel better. *This is from the audiobook— probably the best part of the whole recording!

I am certain I made everyone sitting in the hospital waiting room very uncomfortable. I was fervently praying over my burdensome juggling act. This wasn’t the appropriate venue to pour out all of my weighty concerns, but I was desperate for a change.

I am certain I made everyone sitting in the hospital waiting room very uncomfortable. I was fervently praying over my burdensome juggling act. This wasn’t the appropriate venue to pour out all of my weighty concerns, but I was desperate for a change.

While sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, I heard from God… and He answered my prayer in the most succinct way possible. I needed an answer, but I probably wasn’t really expecting one… especially one so obvious!

While sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, I heard from God… and He answered my prayer in the most succinct way possible. I needed an answer, but I probably wasn’t really expecting one… especially one so obvious!

I am so excited God answered my prayer about everything I was emotionally juggling. FMLA was going to give me a much needed break from one of my “heavier rocks” in life… work. Everyone in the waiting room was relieved to see the crazy dude lighten up

I am so excited God answered my prayer about everything I was emotionally juggling. FMLA was going to give me a much needed break from one of my “heavier rocks” in life… work. Everyone in the waiting room was relieved to see the crazy dude lighten up and eventually leave the waiting room.

Anderson and I show off some delicious cinnamon rolls that we are about to smash at the @DuffeyrollCafe The same place Alisha and I went to after I heard from God about FMLA. I wasn’t sure how she was going to react to this news, but things are alway

Anderson and I show off some delicious cinnamon rolls that we are about to smash at the @DuffeyrollCafe The same place Alisha and I went to after I heard from God about FMLA. I wasn’t sure how she was going to react to this news, but things are always better when eating a Duffeyroll!

When I told Alisha about God revealing FMLA as the perfect solution to my “juggling problems,” I wasn’t sure how she would respond. She was really excited and surprised she didn’t think of it first. I was very relieved about how supportive she was… I

When I told Alisha about God revealing FMLA as the perfect solution to my “juggling problems,” I wasn’t sure how she would respond. She was really excited and surprised she didn’t think of it first. I was very relieved about how supportive she was… I needed to take this time badly.

When I heard from God about FMLA, I made the weird decision to ask for a sign that it was Him and not me. It seemed like Alisha immediately getting a phone call informing her to go straight to the hospital was a pretty decent sign. But wait… there’s

When I heard from God about FMLA, I made the weird decision to ask for a sign that it was Him and not me. It seemed like Alisha immediately getting a phone call informing her to go straight to the hospital was a pretty decent sign. But wait… there’s more!

For a moment, it seemed like Alisha being told she needed to be immediately admitted to the hospital was the sign I God asked for. But He has a better sense of humor than that! The phone rang again and it was Anderson’s school telling us he needed to

For a moment, it seemed like Alisha being told she needed to be immediately admitted to the hospital was the sign I God asked for. But He has a better sense of humor than that! The phone rang again and it was Anderson’s school telling us he needed to be picked up right away because he had double pink eye. This was the worst news I had ever received because [please be kind to me!!!] I have the worst eye phobia. DO NOT PRAY FOR SIGNS, PEOPLE!! 🤦🏻‍♂️

While I was on FMLA, Alisha really struggled medically… especially neurologically. She was a 24-hour fall risk. Whenever we would go to the hospital, she would get yellow socks and signs like this in the doorway to signify to the staff that they need

While I was on FMLA, Alisha really struggled medically… especially neurologically. She was a 24-hour fall risk. Whenever we would go to the hospital, she would get yellow socks and signs like this in the doorway to signify to the staff that they needed to monitor her movements when she wasn’t in the bed. Of course, the risk of being a fall risk wasn’t limited to her time at the hospital. Our townhouse was almost nothing but stairs and there was no bathroom on the main floor. 😟

Alisha got a new diagnosis while I was on FMLA. MALS is pretty big deal. I still don’t know if I completely understand it, but this ligament lays improperly over the celiac artery and slows down blood flow to the stomach and other organs. It explains

Alisha got a new diagnosis while I was on FMLA. MALS is pretty big deal. I still don’t know if I completely understand it, but this ligament lays improperly over the celiac artery and slows down blood flow to the stomach and other organs. It explains more of why Alisha’s digestion is so slow and why she is so skinny. 📸 Credit: @malsawareness

It you don’t laugh sometimes, you’ll end up crying… Alisha had to see a bariatric surgeon to see about fixing her MALS problem.

It you don’t laugh sometimes, you’ll end up crying… Alisha had to see a bariatric surgeon to see about fixing her MALS problem.

This picture makes me laugh! *It also kinda makes me want to cry… since it was Anderson’s 24-month-old onesie.* MALS had helped accelerate her weight loss. I suppose we were both crabby because the surgeon refused to do surgery on this ligament that

This picture makes me laugh! *It also kinda makes me want to cry… since it was Anderson’s 24-month-old onesie.* MALS had helped accelerate her weight loss. I suppose we were both crabby because the surgeon refused to do surgery on this ligament that was compressing her celiac artery. He thought the risk was too high—fearing he would “kill her by trying to save her.”

During my time on FMLA, I meant to look for a new job that would fit my “juggling act” better, but I didn’t quite get around to it. I was exhausted. I reached out to a local guy I had worked with at our church in STL, intending to ask him if he knew

During my time on FMLA, I meant to look for a new job that would fit my “juggling act” better, but I didn’t quite get around to it. I was exhausted. I reached out to a local guy I had worked with at our church in STL, intending to ask him if he knew of any positions… but I kinda just vomited my emotions on him instead.

On the very last day of FMLA, I was offered a job at a church. This was not something I was really expecting, but I was so grateful for. My gig at Starbucks was great, but this would be a lot more flexible for finishing seminary and give me great exp

On the very last day of FMLA, I was offered a job at a church. This was not something I was really expecting, but I was so grateful for. My gig at Starbucks was great, but this would be a lot more flexible for finishing seminary and give me great experience. My juggling act instantly got lighter.

God providing me a new job at the very last minute was surprising to each of us (Anderson clearly couldn’t believe it). This wasn’t the way I wanted Him to move, but it’s the way He chose to. I was thankful for His answered prayer.

God providing me a new job at the very last minute was surprising to each of us (Anderson clearly couldn’t believe it). This wasn’t the way I wanted Him to move, but it’s the way He chose to. I was thankful for His answered prayer.

The concept of hope (as seen in Romans 5) almost felt like a beauty pageant contestant saying she wanted to work towards world peace if she was crowned the winner. Does anyone actually think Miss Rhode Island is going to make a dent in resolving inte

The concept of hope (as seen in Romans 5) almost felt like a beauty pageant contestant saying she wanted to work towards world peace if she was crowned the winner. Does anyone actually think Miss Rhode Island is going to make a dent in resolving international conflict? *No shade intended on Ms. RI… she seems terrific!

This famous quote has so much truth to it. I don’t think life is 100% full of suffering, although I do think 100% of us will suffer. This reality isn’t fun or fair. Maybe you are experiencing suffering right this moment. I hope not, but there is a pa

This famous quote has so much truth to it. I don’t think life is 100% full of suffering, although I do think 100% of us will suffer. This reality isn’t fun or fair. Maybe you are experiencing suffering right this moment. I hope not, but there is a pathway to hope.

This quote is one of my favorite paragraphs from the book. It reminds me of my need to keep my covenant to Alisha, despite the fact that I have a free will choice not to. Enduring the bad, the pain, and the sickness is the only way to prove my true c

This quote is one of my favorite paragraphs from the book. It reminds me of my need to keep my covenant to Alisha, despite the fact that I have a free will choice not to. Enduring the bad, the pain, and the sickness is the only way to prove my true commitment.

This is cleanest statement I can come up with to sum up the theology of suffering. It’s a complicated concept, but one I think we need to come to grips with as believers.

This is cleanest statement I can come up with to sum up the theology of suffering. It’s a complicated concept, but one I think we need to come to grips with as believers.

My buddy, Bryce, did something crazy a couple of years ago that absolutely tested his endurance. He and his wife are both really passionate about a particular ministry called Healing Waters International (This is a great cause. Visit them at healingw

My buddy, Bryce, did something crazy a couple of years ago that absolutely tested his endurance. He and his wife are both really passionate about a particular ministry called Healing Waters International (This is a great cause. Visit them at healingwaters.org). In order to bring attention to the global water crisis, Bryce decided to run 50 marathons, in 50 weeks, in 50 states. I told you it was crazy!

No one would choose suffering, but we can choose what we do with it.

No one would choose suffering, but we can choose what we do with it.

Endurance is not what I wanted to build, but the emotional marathon was happening whether I wanted it to or not.

Endurance is not what I wanted to build, but the emotional marathon was happening whether I wanted it to or not.

There were so many times I didn’t think I could keep moving forward with Alisha’s health… but I had to. Endurance was the name of the game.

There were so many times I didn’t think I could keep moving forward with Alisha’s health… but I had to. Endurance was the name of the game.

I don’t know anyone who has more good character than Alisha. She’s allowed the suffering to build this in her.

I don’t know anyone who has more good character than Alisha. She’s allowed the suffering to build this in her.

I’m pretty sure there’s not many people in this world that would agree with me here, but I’m very convinced this is a true statement.

I’m pretty sure there’s not many people in this world that would agree with me here, but I’m very convinced this is a true statement.

In the spring of 2014, Alisha was tired of vomiting for hours a day. I don’t blame her… it had been 8 years of that! Her doctor suggested she get a g-tube, so she could empty her stomach without the trauma of retching. Every 6-9 months, she has to ha

In the spring of 2014, Alisha was tired of vomiting for hours a day. I don’t blame her… it had been 8 years of that! Her doctor suggested she get a g-tube, so she could empty her stomach without the trauma of retching. Every 6-9 months, she has to have a new one installed. Ironically enough, today is one of those days. She just got pushed back to the OR (8/18/22 7:35am). Update: everything went great!

Alisha’s G-tube, that we named Linda, kept falling out of her stomach after she first got it installed. We weren’t liking Linda very much.

Alisha’s G-tube, that we named Linda, kept falling out of her stomach after she first got it installed. We weren’t liking Linda very much.

I wasn’t sure how to communicate to my friends and family about what I witnessed when an ER doc insisted on shoving the G-tube back into Alisha’s stomach after the hole had closed up too much… without anesthesia. So, a confusing passive tweet seemed

I wasn’t sure how to communicate to my friends and family about what I witnessed when an ER doc insisted on shoving the G-tube back into Alisha’s stomach after the hole had closed up too much… without anesthesia. So, a confusing passive tweet seemed in order. 🤷🏻‍♂️

When I was writing the book, and specifically the part about Alisha‘s G-tube drama… Alisha had another major issue with the thing falling out. This time, it only partially fell out, but was essentially stabbing her in the stomach wall. This helped me

When I was writing the book, and specifically the part about Alisha‘s G-tube drama… Alisha had another major issue with the thing falling out. This time, it only partially fell out, but was essentially stabbing her in the stomach wall. This helped me remember all the feelings of the complications that occurred initially. 😩

I re-read this quote so many times when I read ‘Suffering’ from Tripp. I shared it in my book because it’s been foundational for me… and I didn’t want to forget it.

I re-read this quote so many times when I read ‘Suffering’ from Tripp. I shared it in my book because it’s been foundational for me… and I didn’t want to forget it.

We drove all the way from Denver to New Hampshire to see a doctor who we thought could help Alisha. It was a big investment, but thought it would be good for all of us… especially Anderson, who rarely got to experience any of his mom’s medical “adven

We drove all the way from Denver to New Hampshire to see a doctor who we thought could help Alisha. It was a big investment, but thought it would be good for all of us… especially Anderson, who rarely got to experience any of his mom’s medical “adventures”.

The road-trip to Dartmouth Medical Center had some amazing stops along the way. Cooperstown was a place I’ll never forget.

The road-trip to Dartmouth Medical Center had some amazing stops along the way. Cooperstown was a place I’ll never forget.

Getting to do one of our stadium visits with our good friends was incredible! We are going to see all 30 stadiums by the time these kids turn 18.

Getting to do one of our stadium visits with our good friends was incredible! We are going to see all 30 stadiums by the time these kids turn 18.

This is my favorite pic from our time at Dartmouth Medical Center… I think it should be the cover of medical trade magazine! She went through a bunch of weird and complicated tests, but she did great. Overall, it was a good medical adventure for our

This is my favorite pic from our time at Dartmouth Medical Center… I think it should be the cover of medical trade magazine! She went through a bunch of weird and complicated tests, but she did great. Overall, it was a good medical adventure for our family.

Roadside screaming scene.

Roadside screaming scene.

“There was a battle happening in the valley of suffering [for Alisha]: was bitterness or endurance going to win? She was battling for endurance, but defeat meant risking slavery by the opposition—in this case, bitterness.”

“There was a battle happening in the valley of suffering [for Alisha]: was bitterness or endurance going to win? She was battling for endurance, but defeat meant risking slavery by the opposition—in this case, bitterness.”

“We throw as much effort as possible into getting over the thing we suffer. I use the word ‘over’ with intentionality because there is a vast difference between ‘getting over’ and ‘going through’ suffering.”

“We throw as much effort as possible into getting over the thing we suffer. I use the word ‘over’ with intentionality because there is a vast difference between ‘getting over’ and ‘going through’ suffering.”

The pathway from suffering to hope (as seen in Romans 5) isn’t the only pathway to choose. Another pathway starts with growing bitter at the presence of the unfair fight of suffering.

The pathway from suffering to hope (as seen in Romans 5) isn’t the only pathway to choose. Another pathway starts with growing bitter at the presence of the unfair fight of suffering.

Living in the 3 D’s can easily lead us to the 4th one—doubt.

Living in the 3 D’s can easily lead us to the 4th one—doubt.

Nothing can paralyze us faster than the presence of doubt in our lives.

Nothing can paralyze us faster than the presence of doubt in our lives.

I have often thought of Alisha’s health/weight in terms of an atheoretical health chart which has consistently gone downhill (like Blockbuster Video).

I have often thought of Alisha’s health/weight in terms of an atheoretical health chart which has consistently gone downhill (like Blockbuster Video).

We stumbled upon the world’s last Blockbuster in Bend, OR six years ago. This landmark got me thinking about how something so great could dwindle down to its last legs so quickly. I had never thought of Alisha’s failing health in terms of a health ch

We stumbled upon the world’s last Blockbuster in Bend, OR six years ago. This landmark got me thinking about how something so great could dwindle down to its last legs so quickly. I had never thought of Alisha’s failing health in terms of a health chart before this.

This documentary details the desperate efforts to keep the Blockbuster brand alive. I connected on an emotional level as they would do anything to not let the thing they loved die.

This documentary details the desperate efforts to keep the Blockbuster brand alive. I connected on an emotional level as they would do anything to not let the thing they loved die.

We stumbled upon Intravenous Immunoglobulin, or IVIg for short. Which is an infusion therapy that gives antibodies from over 1,000 different people’s blood work per dose. This treatment gave Alisha a great season of plateau in her health downfall.

We stumbled upon Intravenous Immunoglobulin, or IVIg for short. Which is an infusion therapy that gives antibodies from over 1,000 different people’s blood work per dose. This treatment gave Alisha a great season of plateau in her health downfall.

We got a letter from Alisha’s insurance company saying they were no longer going to pay for her IVIg. They said it was no longer medically necessary. 😡 aka. It was too expensive for them to pay for anymore.

We got a letter from Alisha’s insurance company saying they were no longer going to pay for her IVIg. They said it was no longer medically necessary. 😡 aka. It was too expensive for them to pay for anymore.

I was so upset and angry about the insurance company deciding to stop paying for Alisha’s IVIg. It seemed obvious to me that I was going to begin losing her just as fast as I was before. I was scared and convinced this was the beginning of the end.

I was so upset and angry about the insurance company deciding to stop paying for Alisha’s IVIg. It seemed obvious to me that I was going to begin losing her just as fast as I was before. I was scared and convinced this was the beginning of the end.

Losing IVIg was incredibly hard for Alisha. It took a real toll on her. She had a bunch of strange neurological responses like causing spasms all over her body. Sleep was the only reprieve she would ever get. Sadly, naps wouldn’t last very long due t

Losing IVIg was incredibly hard for Alisha. It took a real toll on her. She had a bunch of strange neurological responses like causing spasms all over her body. Sleep was the only reprieve she would ever get. Sadly, naps wouldn’t last very long due to the pain.

It seemed like without IVIg, Alisha was going to end up being wheelchair bound permanently. She hated using her wheelchair. Plus, our house has way too many stairs for a wheelchair… this seemed impossible.

It seemed like without IVIg, Alisha was going to end up being wheelchair bound permanently. She hated using her wheelchair. Plus, our house has way too many stairs for a wheelchair… this seemed impossible.

I can be a very negative person. It’s super easy for me to play things out to a disastrous natural conclusion. This very real internal monologue (p. 208-209) was going through my head when I was panicking to figure out what to do in order to save my

I can be a very negative person. It’s super easy for me to play things out to a disastrous natural conclusion. This very real internal monologue (p. 208-209) was going through my head when I was panicking to figure out what to do in order to save my wife’s life. This was the first moment I considered writing a book about our story. For the record, @Oprah did not endorse my book, but she was the inspiration for beginning to write this book on a now defunct website… I asked people to share it until it turned viral so someone with resources, like her, could come to the rescue and help get Alisha back on IVIg.

Alisha was so defeated when the insurance company denied payment of IVIg. It was something I had rarely ever experienced before with her. I guess I couldn’t really blame her because this little bottle of antibodies was going to cost us over $300,000

Alisha was so defeated when the insurance company denied payment of IVIg. It was something I had rarely ever experienced before with her. I guess I couldn’t really blame her because this little bottle of antibodies was going to cost us over $300,000 a year… a price tag we couldn’t come close to affording.

As we sat in the waiting room of the infusion center, dejected because Alisha would no longer be getting her IVIg treatments (because of insurance denial) plus the hard reality of bankruptcy, I distracted myself with an outdated issue of Virtuoso Lif

As we sat in the waiting room of the infusion center, dejected because Alisha would no longer be getting her IVIg treatments (because of insurance denial) plus the hard reality of bankruptcy, I distracted myself with an outdated issue of Virtuoso Life. I couldn’t believe this was an actual magazine. 🤯

Part of what made me feel guilty for declaring bankruptcy was that we had previously gone to Hawaii and had an amazing trip. This was largely possible thanks to generous people helping us making it happen. For example, this helicopter ride was gifted

Part of what made me feel guilty for declaring bankruptcy was that we had previously gone to Hawaii and had an amazing trip. This was largely possible thanks to generous people helping us making it happen. For example, this helicopter ride was gifted to us. It was awesome… but I hated it in light of our financial downfall.

As we sat in the waiting room of the infusion center, dejected because Alisha would no longer be getting her IVIg treatments (because of insurance denial) plus the hard reality of bankruptcy, I distracted myself with an outdated issue of Virtuoso Lif

As we sat in the waiting room of the infusion center, dejected because Alisha would no longer be getting her IVIg treatments (because of insurance denial) plus the hard reality of bankruptcy, I distracted myself with an outdated issue of Virtuoso Life. I couldn’t believe this was an actual magazine. 🤯

The problem is very few of us know how to respond to it.

The problem is very few of us know how to respond to it.

Being vulnerable and authentic about our suffering has made us better… not bitter.

Being vulnerable and authentic about our suffering has made us better… not bitter.

When Anderson was younger, we had a padded coffee table for his protection. When he was finally old and stable enough, Alisha wanted me to switch it out for our original wooden table. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that because the padding was equally

When Anderson was younger, we had a padded coffee table for his protection. When he was finally old and stable enough, Alisha wanted me to switch it out for our original wooden table. I wasn’t sure I wanted to do that because the padding was equally Alisha-proofed.

I was so nervous about Alisha falling and hurting herself, it threw me for a loop when Anderson broke his leg skiing. He would want you to know that he doesn’t like snowboarders. ⛷vs.🏂

I was so nervous about Alisha falling and hurting herself, it threw me for a loop when Anderson broke his leg skiing. He would want you to know that he doesn’t like snowboarders. ⛷vs.🏂

Alisha made me out to be a prophet when she fell in the middle of the night and smacked her face on the wooden coffee table.

Alisha made me out to be a prophet when she fell in the middle of the night and smacked her face on the wooden coffee table.

After Alisha’s fall in the middle of the night, I decided to sleep on the floor in the living room permanently. She was spending every night on the couch because navigating the stairs to our bedroom had gotten to be too dangerous. The camping mat mad

After Alisha’s fall in the middle of the night, I decided to sleep on the floor in the living room permanently. She was spending every night on the couch because navigating the stairs to our bedroom had gotten to be too dangerous. The camping mat made it not so bad. 🤷🏻‍♂️

I was close to getting Alisha a Life Alert necklace (made famous in those commercials in the 80s) because I had grown so afraid of her falling when I wasn’t around. Good thing Apple Watch came out with fall detection when they did because Alisha woul

I was close to getting Alisha a Life Alert necklace (made famous in those commercials in the 80s) because I had grown so afraid of her falling when I wasn’t around. Good thing Apple Watch came out with fall detection when they did because Alisha wouldn’t have felt very cool with the old lady bling.

It wasn’t much longer after these two different falls that I took a fall myself—a different kind of fall. My depression got so bad, I needed help. I am so grateful for @HoneyLakeClinic and all the men and women there. It was the hardest month of my l

It wasn’t much longer after these two different falls that I took a fall myself—a different kind of fall. My depression got so bad, I needed help. I am so grateful for @HoneyLakeClinic and all the men and women there. It was the hardest month of my life, but going there and getting healthier has forever shaped my ministry. ***Please check them out if you are suffering and need help with depression, anxiety, addiction, or trauma.

I am so grateful… It was a sacrifice for everyone at @lifegatedenver when I took a sabbatical from work to go to Honey Lake Clinic

I am so grateful… It was a sacrifice for everyone at @lifegatedenver when I took a sabbatical from work to go to Honey Lake Clinic

Glasses have become part of “my look”… mainly because I don’t have great vision and I’m petrified of contacts. Being able to see is great. Being able to “see emotionally” is even better. When I returned from Honey Lake Clinic, I felt like I could see

Glasses have become part of “my look”… mainly because I don’t have great vision and I’m petrified of contacts. Being able to see is great. Being able to “see emotionally” is even better. When I returned from Honey Lake Clinic, I felt like I could see clearly for the first time in a long time.

I never wanted the label of “suffering guy.” This title would have been way better! Probably would have sold more books with this cover page!! 😝

I never wanted the label of “suffering guy.” This title would have been way better! Probably would have sold more books with this cover page!! 😝

This is the greatest dentist in the world. (For the record, her husband @dr.karlin is the best orthodontist in the world) Mrs. Dr. Karlin from @dakotaridgedental is an absolute saint! She has helped Alisha out immensely over the last decade as years

This is the greatest dentist in the world. (For the record, her husband @dr.karlin is the best orthodontist in the world) Mrs. Dr. Karlin from @dakotaridgedental is an absolute saint! She has helped Alisha out immensely over the last decade as years of constant throwing up destroyed her teeth. Alisha needed to have several teeth pulled when she took another fall. We had no idea how much of an ordeal these teeth were about to become. 😬

Alisha took another fall and it was apparent there was a major problem. We called 911 so they could transport her safely to the hospital. There were more than enough EMT personnel there to carry Alisha’s lightweight body to the ambulance.

Alisha took another fall and it was apparent there was a major problem. We called 911 so they could transport her safely to the hospital. There were more than enough EMT personnel there to carry Alisha’s lightweight body to the ambulance.

It didn’t take long for the ER to identify that Alisha had broke her hip. I had no idea how dangerous and potentially fatal a broken hip could be… especially in the chronically ill.

It didn’t take long for the ER to identify that Alisha had broke her hip. I had no idea how dangerous and potentially fatal a broken hip could be… especially in the chronically ill.

We needed to move fast on surgery on Alisha’s broken hip, but the fact that she had an active infection in her mouth made the doctors stomp on the brakes. We were stuck with no way to clear up the problem with her hip or her teeth.

We needed to move fast on surgery on Alisha’s broken hip, but the fact that she had an active infection in her mouth made the doctors stomp on the brakes. We were stuck with no way to clear up the problem with her hip or her teeth.

I was naturally very upset about hip/infection-gate. But I wasn’t losing myself in the process. I stayed prayerful and expectant in the face of great uncertainty.

I was naturally very upset about hip/infection-gate. But I wasn’t losing myself in the process. I stayed prayerful and expectant in the face of great uncertainty.

This is Dr. Richard. He shocked us when he came in talking about doing surgery despite the infection problems. He was very clear that Alisha wouldn’t survive an attempt to let the hip heal on its own. He made the right decision and did it with nothin

This is Dr. Richard. He shocked us when he came in talking about doing surgery despite the infection problems. He was very clear that Alisha wouldn’t survive an attempt to let the hip heal on its own. He made the right decision and did it with nothing but love and concern for us. I am very grateful for this man!

Surgery on Alisha’s broken hip was absolutely the right call. She came through great!

Surgery on Alisha’s broken hip was absolutely the right call. She came through great!

I probably would have written a different story though.

I probably would have written a different story though.

People say stuff like this to me all the time. I know it’s supposed to be encouraging. But I want to scream at them… “None of us know what we can handle until we have to!” Plus, I haven’t always handled these hard things very well. Pretty sure I stil

People say stuff like this to me all the time. I know it’s supposed to be encouraging. But I want to scream at them… “None of us know what we can handle until we have to!” Plus, I haven’t always handled these hard things very well. Pretty sure I still don’t. 🫤

None of us know what we can handle until we have to. Pretty sure Aron Ralston (@captainfunhog) never thought he could handle the 127 hours trapped/pinned in that canyon… but he did. It’s a crazy story!

None of us know what we can handle until we have to. Pretty sure Aron Ralston (@captainfunhog) never thought he could handle the 127 hours trapped/pinned in that canyon… but he did. It’s a crazy story!

“If Jesus’ suffering changed the world, and if we suffer with Him . . . our suffering can change the world as well.”

“If Jesus’ suffering changed the world, and if we suffer with Him . . . our suffering can change the world as well.”

Jesus know about suffering. Here’s Brian Van Eps reading my words to close a powerful sermon at Journey Church in Bozeman, MT. (3/21/21)

Jesus know about suffering. Here’s Brian Van Eps reading my words to close a powerful sermon at Journey Church in Bozeman, MT. (3/21/21)

Giving away the surprise ending of the book… I bet you thought the book title was about me. 🤓

Giving away the surprise ending of the book… I bet you thought the book title was about me. 🤓

The verse of the day on @youversion This pathway toward hope starts with the absurd decision to REJOICE in our sufferings. This is a central focus of my book… I desire for our story to communicate to people that it is actually possible to walk this

The verse of the day on @youversion This pathway toward hope starts with the absurd decision to REJOICE in our sufferings. This is a central focus of my book… I desire for our story to communicate to people that it is actually possible to walk this path!

“Suffering is such a powerful word. I know I have said the word ‘suffer’ roughly ten thousand times in this book. I didn’t bother to pull out the thesaurus to spice it up. The Bible talks about suffering quite a bit, and often it is done with another

“Suffering is such a powerful word. I know I have said the word ‘suffer’ roughly ten thousand times in this book. I didn’t bother to pull out the thesaurus to spice it up. The Bible talks about suffering quite a bit, and often it is done with another powerful word in conjunction: rejoice.” p.236

thesufferingguy PICS FROM THE BOOK - chapter 28 “Rejoice in our sufferings? That is absurd. It makes no sense. Should I throw a party about my pain? Do people celebrate what stings? I’m not even sure about wanting to endure what hurts, let alone rej

thesufferingguy PICS FROM THE BOOK - chapter 28 “Rejoice in our sufferings? That is absurd. It makes no sense. Should I throw a party about my pain? Do people celebrate what stings? I’m not even sure about wanting to endure what hurts, let alone rejoice about it. This feels like an impossible challenge. Celebrate? This hard suffering that feels hopeless? Maybe you are considering whatever your personal circumstance is. Is there any part of you that believes you can rejoice in it? I’m guessing that feels very foreign to you.” p. 236

“Celebration is a foreign language. It is the language of Heaven. The good news is this language is a lot easier to learn than German." p. 236

“Celebration is a foreign language. It is the language of Heaven. The good news is this language is a lot easier to learn than German." p. 236

Both suffering and Alisha challenge me to live free, alive, and interesting.

Both suffering and Alisha challenge me to live free, alive, and interesting.

“Our bodies are like tents.” ⛺️ Alisha’s tent is tiny and not in good shape. This is her wearing our then-10-year-old’s-t-shirt… and it’s pretty big on her. 😳

“Our bodies are like tents.” ⛺️ Alisha’s tent is tiny and not in good shape. This is her wearing our then-10-year-old’s-t-shirt… and it’s pretty big on her. 😳

This is one of the truest sentences in the book (also one of the last sentences). The worst part is the assumed gap is just going to happen when it happens.

This is one of the truest sentences in the book (also one of the last sentences). The worst part is the assumed gap is just going to happen when it happens.